A Case of the Mondays

Somebody's Got a Case of the Mondays!

I just saw that Michael Bolton will be one of the performers during the holiday festivities going down at the Capitol tomorrow evening. Muzak, anyone? At least I get a chance to invoke the ambiguous homeland security signage again.

Monday has been a day chock full of lessons. Whenever the office is quiet, it gives me time to sit and contemplate random things like, genocide in Africa; cooperative conservation initiatives; privacy impact assessments; and the futility of some nuns having ample boobage if they never get a chance to use them. Such random thoughts are most likely a consequence of decreased coffee consumption by yours truly. Here is a listing of my observations for the day:


Re-use longevity of a 16 oz. Borders paper coffee cup: two weeks.

Plantains acquired from the office director's recent trip to Miami don't have calories. The muffin top acquired from overdosing on said plantains is unacceptable during tank top weather, however.


"The Pipettes" are a modern-day Phil Spector's dream (thanks Daniel-you can take the dark-haired one). Man, I could roll into this video with my flipped hair, knee-high boots, and mod mini-dress. Where can I sign up to pull shapes?
What the hell does "pull shapes" mean?


My office building is a narcissist's dream. Every nook and cranny can toss up a reflection. Yeah, like I need a reminder of how I look someday!

If we ban women in the Southern U.S. from using hairspray, we might be able to curb global warming. Is than an inconvenient truth? Hey, that includes some of my relatives, whom I can affirm single-handedly keep Aqua Net in business.

This office has reminder posters everywhere. You know, the ones that look like they were crafted by the creators of "Schoolhouse Rock"�

"Did you make a mess? Don't forget to blah blah blah..."

"Is that the last cup? Please blah blah blah..."

"Taking a break? Don't forget to forward your nudie jpgs to Greg before you log-off; his wife found his porno mag stash and trashed them all."

"Throwing something away? Think about who you can throw it at as they pass by your desk. Better yet, do an anonymous over the cubicle lob."

"Did you make a mess? Don't forget to flee the scene of the sloth before anyone sees you. Feign ignorance and blame the new guy. Make the other person feel guilty for even thinking it's plausibly your fault."

"Is that the last cup? Please relish it until somebody else makes another pot. You're too damn lazy, and you know it. Go tell the office's mother-figure that her coffee is the best in an effort to flatter her into making another pot."

Although I won't have a chance to thrust myself in front of a camera (see last year's July 3, 2005 post), I'm sure that viewing the most spectacular fireworks display in the nation will be adequate compensation. Have a great 4th everyone!